Friday, March 22, 2013


Beans Moment (Energy)
WALT choose words that describe a moment for the reader

  • begin in the action
  • present tense (I am, not I was)
  • short, sharp sentences
  • uses the senses (smell, taste, look, hear, touch)
  • strong verbs


Boom!!! Flynn kicks the ball. Josh tries to catch  the ball but is blinded by the beautiful sun. Bam. It hit’s  the ground, Josh dropped it. It goes backwards but it’s not a knock on. Our team sprints up. We tackled the ugly  opposition. They released the ball. We charge over the ball. Yes we won the ball. Flynn passes the ball to the backs. We spread it wide but Jack hogs it just before me and charges forward. I go over the ball, then Jono does. Flynn passes it out to Braden and Braden goes for the corner but drops it in mid air and knocks it on. He gives it to us because of the other teams crap tackling. Sam takes it up. Punts it up the field. It bounces out off Jack.  Its a line out. Titan's ball. Josh threw the ball through the line. Tom catches it and throws it to the backs. They pass it out through the backs. Sam dives on the line.  Bbbbbbbbb rrrrrrrrrrrrrrr the whistle blows! Try time -half time the score is 3-4 to them. We have our oranges. The whistle blows again. Play time.
Sam kicks the ball. Jono catches it. Jono smashes through Tom. Then he gets tackled. He released then the ball the forwards go over.  Sam passes it through the backs and I dive for the try line. BBBBBBBBBBBBBBB rrrrrrrrrrr the whistle blows.  Full time. Try time as well! The score was 9-9. Then we do three cheers for the Titans. Hoop ray hoop ray hoop ray.  The coach says,  “Go shake hands.”  We line up and shake hands.

1 comment:

  1. Exciting writing, Henry! I feel like I'm at he game with you. You certainly play with a lot of beans. I like how you are deliberately choosing strong verbs and short, sharp sentences.